LB is happy to preview what could be the greatest round in the history of rugby league - round four.
Friday
Panthers @ Broncos
Very little between these two poor teams. The key for this match will be whether Broncos players can hear Darren Lockyer any more. He has reportedly put his voice under wraps in preparation for a spoken word tour of his autobiography, 'Locky: Worst Nickname Ever', at the end of the year.
Sea Eagles @ Rabbitohs (Central Coast)
There is something about the charming surrounds of the Central Coast stadium that makes it completely inappropriate for rugby league. The sooner it is turned over to the performing arts or cricket, the better.
Saturday
Titans @ Raiders
It's Methuselah vs Zygote, Ethiopia vs South Sudan, Shakespeare vs Matthew Reilly, old vs new. A false dichotomy really, as the two are merely different sides of the same coin. Speaking of coin, there are some great exotic TAB options for this game, including an over/under of 3.5 for insensitive remarks in the media about Matt Orford, 6.5 for references to Dad's Army when discussing the Titans, and an appealing 12000.5 for the size of the crowd. LB will be limboing right under that one.
Cowboys @ Eels
Perhaps the match of the round, although on further reflection probably not. Stephen Kearney will look to continue his task of moulding the Eels team into the salary-cap cheating Storm team he occasionally contributed to the guiding of, while Neil Henry will look to continue wondering why he ever left Canberra. Kearney at least appears to have the ear, if not the rest of the body, of his players. He could be seen patiently addressing them during half time of their round two 'clash' with Penrith, with hilariously ineffective consequences, while in the opposing dressing room assistant coach Steve Georgallis had to take over while CEO Mick Leary was re-inking Matt Elliot to a two year extension.
Sunday
Dragons @ Knights
The Dragons are understandably desperate to retain Wayne Bennett, on the understanding that if he goes he will take last year's NRL trophy with him. But by the time of the second play the ball in this match Bennett's $2m transfer to the Knights may be all but a formality. Unfortunately for the Knights Bennett will then come clean and admit that he will be selling his services to the highest bidder on a weekly basis for the remainder of the season.
Warriors @ Sharks (Taupo, NZ)
In the history of all home rugby league matches relocated to a venue in closer proximity to the away team, the away team has won 13 of 27 games. LB expects this trend to continue. Incidentally, Taupo is rather smelly.
Tigers @ Roosters
The team that thinks they should have won last year against the team that knows they were lucky to finish second but somehow thinks that they'll win this year. In the Tiger's favour is excitement machine Benji Marshall, who LB caught up with this week.
League Blog: Benji, many regard you as an excitement machine. Can you tell us exactly what an excitement machine is supposed to be anyway?
Benji Marshall: Haha, good question. My suspicion is that there is no such thing, and it stems simply from the ubiquity of mechanical and electronic technology in our shared cultural memory. In a different era I'd be an excitement lathe or an excitement mill.
LB: Thank you, Benji Marshall.
Monday
Bulldogs @ Storm
After facing potential State of Origin rivals in his first three rounds, Jamal Idris will be taking his foot off the accelerator against Beau Champion, who hasn't got a hope in hell of making State of Origin. Idris appears at least 1.2m/s faster than last year, which may be the reason he's not as slow. The winner will be the only undefeated side left in the comp, which should add extra spice - cinnamon, the only bark-bound spice, to be precise.
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Another first for the ground-breaking team at League Blog. Previewing Round 4 when Round 3 is scarcely underway is certainly cutting edge rugby league journalism. It unleashes a brand new concept in place of the tired old formula of analysing form and team selections. Now we are exposed to the revolutionary Nostradamus factor, where predictions can be made so far in advance that no-one will remember if they are incorrect, while if they are correct then the predictor can broadcast that happy turn of events and claim vast credit for their successful prognostication.
ReplyDeleteAs it turns out LB's forecasts for Round 4 look quite reasonable to this reader. However I challenge LB to come out now with the news we are all really waiting for, namely the outcome of the crucial Round 17 match-ups. So what say you, LB? Sooth? Can you really say sooth?
As we get a little closer to Round 4 actually taking place …
ReplyDeleteOn the Broncos match, the Locky retirement factor may now have a significant impact on this game. Of course, his retirement announcement was made in the recent past, which LB could not have known about as your knowledge is restricted to the future ... (!)
In a similar vein, the Dragons are definitely not desperate to retain Bennett, though of course recently they may have been. Benny's pre-match pep talk will be interesting. "Come on boys, I really want you to hammer them so Tinkler offers me a few hundred thousand extra to coach the Knights next year."
The Knights coach (forget his name), on the other hand, will be reduced to inspiring his troops with something like, "Put your bodies on the line and win this one boys, otherwise you may end up with a super coach next year instead of me." How could anyone not rise to the occasion after such a stirring invocation?
Storm v Bulldogs – LB predicts that the winner will be the only undefeated team – so clearly tipping the Dogs! Hopefully that is correct, as there is intrinsic pleasure these days in watching Storm lose matches.
By the way, one thing that came out of Round 3 was a lot of publicity about the rate of injuries this year. Words like 'myriad' were tossed around by certain league journos, while others preferred the more traditional 'plethora'. This injury trend paves the way for some new exotic betting options, such as 'first player stretchered off', or 'first blood bin', first player running in the wrong direction after suffering concussion', etc. This could be open to abuse though, such as by a player feigning a serious injury in order to get the stretcher. The idea might need a little fine tuning…
Anyway, happy tipping for Round 4!
PS I object to the suggestion that Locky is the worst nickname ever.
Objection sustained. While we carry no truck with the substance of your claim, we endorse your decision to object.
ReplyDeleteLachlan we think you'll enjoy the new official NRL highlights clip showing in slow motion, close up glory, the greatest breaks, fractures and post-concussion staggers in the history of rugby league.