Year in Review XVI of XVI

Riding on a wave of Bellamy's spit after a typical spray, the Storm romped in to win the comp. Which brings us to our final season review.

Melbourne Storm or Bellyaches all round…


Steve Turner's bigger, faster, and stronger replacement.

Season Highlight: Much more pleasurable than watching the Storm win the comp, was watching Greg Inglis repeatedly tell everyone not to argue with him... You think they'd learn...




Season Lowlight: Picking up Brett Finch early in the season. He is the player that everyone loves to see lose, and his team-mates' conflicting desires were apparent in their mid-season win-one, lose-one form.

Most Valuable Player: Dallas Johnson. He does nothing exceptional during the regular season, but everyone knows he is a big game player. Before the GF, I picked him to get the Clive Churchill medal but only if he was concussed in the first 5 minutes. It took about 10 - which gave Billy a headstart that Dallas couldn't catch up.

Least Valuable Player: Brett White. League Blog just doesn't like him.

Telling Statistic: Both Cameron Smith and Billy Slater were both born on 18 June 1983. Interestingly, Superman III opened on exactly the same day.

Quote that sums up their year: "No comment", by Greg Inglis

2010 Outlook: Most of the Storm's senior players are in their mid-20s (Johnson 27, Smith 26, Slater 26, Cronk 25, Hoffsman 25, Inglis 22) so unless the salary cap gets in the way, we are in the middle of a dynasty. Also, winning the Under 20s is a good sign, and they have in the wings Pulou Vaituutuu, who looks like moving ahead of Frank-Paul Nuuausala in the most-unlikely-preponderance-of-the-letter-U-in-a-name stakes.

Year in Review – Part XV of XVI

The suspense is killing League Blog as we continue our countdown of the top teams this year. As Buzz Aldrin said, second comes right after first.

Parramatta Eels or The Lord Moves in Mysterious Ways

Where it all began... Hayne is illegally
tackled while performing the Fijian haka

Season Highlight: A stunning form reversal that saw the Eels capture the imagination of all fans of rugby league including God, claim the scalps of the 1st, 2nd and 3rd-ranked teams in the semis and spawn the latest greatest player in the history of rugby league, Jarryd Hayne.

Season Lowlight: I’d actually have to go with their terrible form during the start of the season, rather than the Grand Final loss. Yes, that would be bitterly disappointing but a close loss is nothing to be ashamed of. Their early season form was very shameful. And at least 2001 is now a distant memory for Burt, Cayless and Hindmarsh.

Most Valuable Player: Jarryd Hayne, although going on the GF alone you’d have to say Fui Fui Moi Moi. Thanks to fish heads and Fiji, Hayne produced an amazing run of big game form and elevated himself to top 5 player status. He wore out both opposition defences and media members’ right hands. Hayne will be bulletproof, figuratively speaking, for the next three years on the back of three great months of footy.

Most Worthless Player: Kris Keating. Goes down like a tonne of bricks and Eels start their winning run. Coincidence? Methinks not.

Telling Statistic: The Eels averaged an incredible 17.6 offloads… per set of six. Daniel Anderson’s decision to change the team song to Hot Potato was controversial at first, but the results speak for themselves.

Quote That Sums Up Their Year: “Jesus Christ!” God’s reaction when he found out just before the Grand Final that Hayne’s new contract contained no tithes whatsoever for the man upstairs. Game over, Eels.

2010 Outlook: League Blog can’t see the Eels maintaining their blue hot form for all of 2010, but they won’t need to, knowing that a bottle of lightning is but a Hayne hop skip and jump away. They’ll sneak into the Top 6 and then look to do some damage when it counts.

Year in Review - Part XIV of XVI

Speaking Roman Numerally, the Broncos are clearly the closest team so far to this year's grand finalists. In fact, if you swap the I and V they become team 16, NRL champs. So close, but yet so far.

Brisbane Broncos
Act II Scene I
"Wayne, Wayne, wherefore art thou, Wayne?"

Heeeeere's Tonie!

Season Highlight: After heading into their week 12 bye coming 2nd on the ladder, the Broncos dropped 7 out of their next 8 games. They dropped 46 points to Cronulla and 56 points to the Raiders. Everyone wrote them off. But they came back from that to win 7 games on the trot, including an absolute smashing of minor premiers the Dragons, and charge strongly into the preliminary final.

Season Lowlight: The preliminary final. It was probably to be expected - the Broncos were just conceding too many tries per game (2nd worst in the comp), and a fired up Storm were always going to smash them. I thought I saw tears in Lockyer's eyes, but then remembered that he had his tear ducts removed and inserted into his throat to lubricate those raspy chords.

Most Valuable Player: Peter Wallace, it would appear. How else do you explain their transition from comp-menacing demons to pathetic roadkill in the space of one week? Oh yeah, League Blog already explained above, because their defence sucks. Wallace continues to take his game to the next level and is a lock to play one of three Origin games next year.

Least Valuable Player: Shared between Michael Hunt (nee de Vere) and Tonie Carroll. Don't come back from retirement unless you are good. Notable mention to Justin Hodges - when an international centre only scores 3 tries all season, it just shows his heart's not quite in it.

Telling Statistic: All League fans were about to rejoice when it looked like the Broncos streak of 45 straight finals appearances would be brought to a windscreen smashing halt this year. This was truly the good news the NRL needed in a year full of bad news. But the Broncos had to go and ruin it for everyone, going on that winning streak and making the GF qualifier. League Blog can't see that streak of semis appearances being beaten by any other team next year.

Quote that sums up their year: "It was disappointing, but that's footy. There's always one winner and one loser." Justin Hodges does the math on the Broncos exit from the semis. I have to correct him though - sometimes Rugby League is also the winner, meaning there is two winners and one loser.

2010 Outlook: I can see the Broncos coping with their loss of Karmichael Hunt to AFL by signing Warwick Capper to fill the gap. Lockyer will pledge his commitment to playing until he is 48, by which time he will be Captain/Coach, Wally Lewis-style.

Year in Review - Part XIII of XVI

Well in the midst of the big fat letdown that is the build up to this year's Grand Final, it's time to reflect on the teams most recently knocked out. First cab off the rank, the Doggies.

Canterbury Bulldogs or Full Credit To Kevin Moore And Todd Greenberg, They’ve Really Turned Things Around For The Dogs This Year Both On And Off The Field

I want to learn the ways of the Force
and become a Jedi like my father

Season Highlight: Bouncing back from the wooden spoon in a big way, finishing equal first on points and second on for and against. There were good wins over Manly, Melbourne, the Cowboys and the Titans, and graceful handling of externally imposed (Dragons) and self-imposed (Panthers) losses of two points. Also heartening was the acquisition- finally! – of some pace on the wings (well, one wing) with Bryson Goodwin and Josh Morris.

Season Lowlight: The continued languishing in a yet-to-be-determined grade of Marmin Barba, and the on again but generally overwhelmingly off again languishing of his brother Ben Barba in reserve grade. Why wouldn’t Kevin Moore play a young, exciting if defensively frail player outside Jamal Idris? Why?!?! It also sucked losing to the Eels in the grand final qualifier, but in League Blog’s estimation this was nothing to be ashamed of, merely a reflection of where the Dogs are at at this stage of their journey towards peace and total flow.

Most Valuable Player: Brett Kimmorley. He was the glue of the team, providing direction, energy and glue. Single-handedly shaved at least two dollars off the Dogs price against the Eels by playing, but as Ricky Stuart non-bitterly pointed out, he also cost them the game through his Big Game Ineptitude. It doesn’t matter, he’s enjoying his footy. Honourable mention to Mick Ennis, who must surely win the NRL Award for Most Consistently First-On-The Scene Teammate Congratulater After A Try.

Least Valuable Player: Hazem El Masri. Someone had to say it, and even though he’s a prolific pointscorer, can sniff out the tryline, can snuff out dangerous plays and is the most beloved Muslim in the history of Western Civilisation, he’s just not big, fast or poly enough to play wing in today’s game. Hence the signing of Steve Turner, the poor man's El Magic. Incidentally, Jamal Idris is the poor man's Israel Folau and Ben Barba is the homeless man's Matt Bowen.

Telling Statistic: Some wag’s already taken ‘never lost two in a row all year’, so LB will have to go with Zero, which is the care factor of other teams upon seeing our bench of Warburton, Hickey, Armit and Gordon. It’s also the number of lightning bottles the Dogs owned this year.

Quote that sums up their year: “I think Brett Kimmorley should be picked for Origin,” spoken by Brett Kimmorley before SOO1.

2010 Outlook: 40% chance of slide to fifth and another bundling out. 50% chance of return to GF qualifier only this time a bitterly disappointing loss. 10% chance of going ALL THE WAY (offer valid only if Ben Barba is Brought Back)

Year in Review - Part XII of XVI

Coming from a family of Saints supporters, it gives me great pleasure to be able to write about them being knocked out this week. 1979 must be bittersweet for them, because the year I was born marked the last year Dragons won the Premiership.

St George Dragons or Bring Back Brownie

Wendell decides not to mark his wing, and Soward learns why...

Season Highlight: Toss up between the Minor Premiership and the case of Coronas Brett Morris won from his brother Josh. The JJ Giltinan shield was a reward for their surprisingly powerful regular season, and gave life to the old cliché “they’ve been the best team all year.”

Season Lowlight: Obviously this new batch of red and whites wanted to party like it was 1999 - and so they did, choking (albeit a bit earlier) when the premiership was in their grasp. On the plus side, Wayne Bennett still refuses to panic.

Most Valuable Player: Jamie Soward - while he struggled when the pack wasn't going forward, his speed and passing was magic. He also took a dive to pull the obstruction penalty against the Bulldogs, which ultimately won the Dragons the minor premiership. I think that he will mature as a footballer quickly in the years ahead, which will result in commentators starting to call him James.

Most Worthless Player: Darius Boyd. The only thing less than the number of words he spoke in his one and only interview for the season was the number of tries he scored.

Telling Statistic: Soward and Hornby both played a total of 2084 minutes for the season, with a surprising average of 80.15 minutes per game. Some may point to the fact that the Dragons played golden point against the Storm, but I think that it is obviously blatant cheating, and points should be deducted.

Quote that sums up their year: Wendell introducing Nathan Hindmarsh: "I'm here with one of the greatest players in Rugby League... myself". Boyd could learn a few things from the Big Dell's interview techniques... Another pearler, the Zen Master’s fingerprints are all over this Dean Young quote after they got bundled out by the Broncos: “We’re on a journey. This is only the beginning.”

2010 Outlook: Given the Zen Master took 5 years with the Broncos to win a premiership, I'm predicting big things for the Dragons in 2013. But in 2010, Wendell will grow a moustache to channel Shaft.

Year in Review - Part XI of XVI

Gold Coast Titans or Don't Bother Remembering The Titans

Put the cork back in... Tooley had been
hired to facilitate grand final celebrations

Season Highlight: Unlike their first two seasons in the comp, the Titans did not fade during the regular season. They also scored a few sweet tries in the back end of their semi against the Broncos. The Titans had more fastest men in rugby league than they could play, forcing them to hire David Williams to drop one of them.

Season Lowlight: Also unlike their first two seasons, the Titans faded during the post-season. Tragically, this was predicted with 95.8% accuracy by all fans of footy.

Most Valuable Player: Journeyman Mark Minichiello. He’s finally the better Mini, thanks to seven consecutive seasons of shattered vertebrae for his brother Anthony “The Count / Joey Tribbiani / Badly Faded Golden Boot” Minichiello. Mark was a real barometer for his team’s fortunes, in the sense that he carried a column of mercury in his pocket. Honourable mention to Chris Walker for flattening Darren “Paperweight” Lockyer last week. If there was any ever doubt that Lockyer is the most pathetic physical force in the history of rugby league, that was it. Look for him to be ragdolled by a cheerleader as he’s running onto Etihad Stadium this Saturday.

Most Worthless Player: Scott Prince. Two more failed seasons from becoming a journeyman. Although his burden is somewhat lessened by the failures of the Tigers and his SOO nemesis Jonathan Thurston, it is somewhat increased by the knowledge that everyone still loves the Tigers more than the Titans and Thurston more than Prince.

Telling Statistic: Brad Meyer’s facial hair grew at 9mm/week this year, while his head hair grew at 7mm/week.

Quote that sums up their year: Soon to be journeyman coach John Cartwright, before they played the Eels: "I'd love to say after the game 'there's four teams left and we are still there'."
Cartwright sounding hollow after they played the Eels: “There's four teams left and we are still there.”

2010 Outlook: You’d like to think the Titans will parlay their considerable disappointment this year into a stronger performance next year, culminating in a grand final qualifier loss. With development of their rookies and the acquisition of one or two more journeymen, they might just achieve that.

Year in Review - Part X of XVI

It all went horribly wrong for the Sea Eagles this year. They started badly, sputtered along for a while, gained some momentum and looked threatening but it all ended in tears. On the field things weren't much better.

Manly Sea Eagles or champs2chumps2009@yahoo.com

Still looking for a new nickname

Season Highlight: Winning the Club Challenge to round out a stellar 12 months.

Season Lowlight: A Boozy Season Launch (the latest in a string of superb Phrases Brought To You By League) from which they never fully recovered.

Most Valuable Player: DNA Freak Anthony Watmough. He hit a purple patch of form that lasted until the first minute of the Melbourne game. The most feared, revered and genetically mutated forward in the game.

Most Worthless Player: David Williams. The enigmatic winger with a line through his name reached great highs but even greater lows. Was at least able to provide cops with a complete set of Greg Inglis fingerprints.

Telling Statistic: Their top tryscorers were Ben Farrar and David Williams with 11 each. That is weak.

Quote that best sums up their year: Five minutes into the Melbourne-Manly game, League Blog snuck into the coach’s box for a quick chat with Des Hasler. Here’s the transcript and as usual, these are real quotes.
League Blog: Bad luck about the Slater try, at least Smith missed the conversion.
Des Hasler: That is now of no consequence, the game and the points are gone.
LB: Wow, but there’s still 75 minutes to go. Don’t tell me you’re already planning Mad Monday?
DH: I'm pretty sure we're in just as good a place as we were last year.
LB: Well, that’s something. Can you explain the teams’ approach to Mad Monday? I’ve heard you like to wheel out a giant cryogenically preserved woolly mammoth testicle.
DH: You've just got to hold the ball and do the little things that no one likes to do.
LB: I see, that sounds grim. Is it true you and the team’s leadership group have asked David Williams not to participate because he might drop the mammoth testicle?
DH: There are 100 people who will sign sworn statements to back me up.
LB: Ok, ok, I believe you. Finally, can you explain why whenever one of your players has a cold, they start sniffing Jamie Lyon?
DH: Because blokes like Jamie, they never lose the smell of gum leaves.
LB: Fair enough. Ok Des, thanks for your time.

2010 Outlook: All the ingredients are there for the team to return hungry and ready to ensure they finish near the top of the table next year. League Blog also predicts a revamped season launch.

Year in Review - Part IX of XVI

Since Joey left, Newcastle has become one of the most bland teams in the comp. With no one left to pass around the party pills, League Blog's commentary will be as interesting as Kurt Gidley's future memoirs.

Knight of the Living Dead

The real reason the Knights lost - Jennifer Hawkins now loves the Bulldogs.

Highlight: Mad Dog's form over the year. Mad Dog officially qualifies for the World Masters Games, but he showed this year he can still match it with the supposed best centres in the game.

Lowlight: Mad Dog's lack of quotes... Gone are the days when Mad Dog would be the first in the news, saying comments like "I'm going to turn Wendell white out there". Now he just toes the official company lines and the League world is poorer for it.

Most Valuable Player: Mad Dog. Not really anyone else since Fish Lips' season went downhill after Origin, where he became the first Blues Captain who's best position was utility.

Most Worthless Player: De Gois... the labels thrown around on Saturday morning were 'brave', 'heroic', and 'dedicated', after Isaac de Gois decided to play with a busted knee. But after lasting just one tackle before sitting out the game on the sideline, the whisper of 'dickhead' went around the League World.

Telling Statistic: Since 2004, the Knights have only won 45% of their games. Many would attribute this to the injury and retirement of Joey Johns. However I think it is a clear result of Jennifer Hawkins leaving their cheerleading ranks, leaving the team with nothing to play for.

Quote that sums up their year: "It's a gamble that we took and one that didn't pay off and hurt us" - Rick Stone could have been talking about de Gois, but it's more likely he's admonishing the Knights board for allowing Smith to go and hiring Rick Stone.

2010 Outlook: With the benefit of a full preseason under Rick Stone, look for the Knights to duplicate their 7th position and first week exit from the playoffs. Also look for Mad Dog to grow a Martin Riggs mullet after big Dell's Roger Murtagh impersonation this year.

Year in Review - Part VIII of XVI

Well ... the finalists are decided and we move onto the last season wrap up of the regular season losers. And despite the temptation to treat the Panthers like the Raiders, I've decided to treat the westies with a bit more respect.

2009: Year of the Panther Cub

Highlight: Having some razzle dazzle for the first time since 1991 (2003 wasn't a razzle dazzle team) - the introduction of young, small, quick players ignited some spark in the team.

Lowlight: That spark being doused by old, big, quick players in the opposing teams.

Most Valuable Player: Petero Civoniceva and Trent Waterhouse get the nods here... Petero, because the Panthers' season crashed as soon as he was injured and Waterhouse because everytime you see a game he is busting his gut. He invokes the spirit of Martin Lang, without the head movements.

Most Worthless Player: Sammut - looking like Jason Akermanis will only get you so far... He tries hard, but the one-on-one in goal strip by Luke Burt a couple of weeks ago summed up his year (when push comes to shove, he hasn't got the balls). Especially given that Luke Burt would struggle opening a bag of chips.

Telling Statistic: Looking at try-scorers, Michael Jennings scored an admirable 17 tries in the season. However, tied second were Frank Pritchard and Brad Tigh on 6 each... So basically, if you could shut down Jennings, you could be fairly certain that no one else would step up and take some pressure off. The only teams with less players in the top 50 try scorers were ... well none, although Roosters and Warriors were just as bad. Now let's compare that to a team with real premiership potential... In the top 10 try scorers Bulldogs had Morris (3rd), Goodwin (4th), and Hazem (7th).

Telling Statistic # 2: To prove to Hammertime that I've done my homework, got another one. Panthers were criticised all year for not committing themselves to their defence - the sign of a lazy team says Gus "No No No No No No No" Gould. And by conceding the greatest number of line breaks per game (5.6), which culminated with them losing 35-0 in the playoff for the playoffs, the Panthers showed they just couldn't be arsed.

Quote that sums up their year: "If Walshy gets tied up in it, he is going to have a big size 11.5 and I'm going to introduce it to his backside." Matt Elliott warns Luke Walsh what would happen if he got too concerned over playing his old club, and also says hello to the ladies.

2010 Outlook: With Matt Elliott's contract extended on the basis of the Panther's improvement over the last three years (they've gone from 16th, to 12th, to 11th), look for them to move up into 10th place in 2010.

Year in Review - Part VII of XVI

Yes, it's in violation of bylaw 7(ii) of League Blog's Year in Review Regulations, but I had to post the Tigers obit before the Cowboys, as it contains a reference to this weekend's games. Could I have just omitted the reference? No, I could not. Moving on, the Tigers have been very much an everyman's team. Let's take a look at their season.

Wests Tigers: A Strange Consistency

Robbie Farah's pre-game ritual

Highlight: A late season surge that had everyone looking forward to them making the finals for the first time since 2005.
Lowlight: Not making the finals.
Most Valuable Player: Benji “Reconstructive Surgery” Marshall. He’s so exciting, he’s like a surprise party and a free chocolate bar rolled into one.
Most Worthless Player: John Morris. Someone has to take the blame and it’s sure as hell not Tim Sheens’ fault.
Telling Statistic: The Tigers were the third-most exciting team to watch in the history of rugby league (behind the 1994 Raiders and the 2009 Sharks) but the fourth most inconsistent (behind the 2006, 2007 and 2008 Tigers). This brings me to my main point. The standard line on the Tigers (and Raiders and Rabbitohs) is that they are too inconsistent. Gee, on their day they can beat anyone, just look at those top four scalps. But then they ruin it all by losing to the worst team. They just need to rub out the inconsistency from their game. A few well-seasoned vets, some luck with injuries, and they’ll really make some noise. League Blog asks you, if a team has played the same way every year for the last four years with exactly the same results, shouldn’t we be calling this a model of consistency? The problem with the Tigers isn’t that they’re inconsistent, it’s that they’re crap. But gee they’re good to watch.
Quote that sums up their year: "We're a better team than we have been in the last three years, and we want to prove that.” Benji and Co have done just that, moving from 10 wins and 14 losses (2006) to 11 and 13 (2007) to 11 and 13 (2008) to 11 and 12 (2009). See? One less loss that last year. Hang on, there’s still one week to go. Ok Tigers, if you can beat the Dogs, then by any reasonable measure you’ll have proved you’re a better team than the last three years.
2010 Outlook: Tuiaki will peak, thus continuing the eery parallels between his and Matt Utai’s careers, Benji’s left shoulder will explode in Round 5, Tim Sheens will get signed to a 3 year extension, Robbie Farah will join David Williams on the SOO blacklist, the Tigers will be the most exciting team to watch (and play against) and they will lose in the last week to miss out on the semis.

Year in Review - VI of XVI

The hustlers of the NRL, the Cowboys have convinced many an innocent tipster that they can actually win big games. But sadly, unlike Midnight Cowboy, the punters are usually left unfulfilled.


League Blog feels the need to balance the next picture

North Queensland Midnight Cowboys

Highlight: Being the only team to beat the Titans at home, the Cowboys showed their potential to challenge the best teams.

Lowlight: Being considered underdogs in their final game against the Roosters.

Most valuable Player: Thurston. The guy is magic with the ball, and Cowboys can't win without him.

Most worthless player: In a slight case of schizophrenia, I am going to also go with JT... Thurston is one of the most chronic 'missed-tacklers' of the NRL, averaging 5 missed-tackles per game over the season. And importantly, in games that Thurston has missed 5 or more tackles, the Cowboys have won 2 from 9. Surprisingly, Kimmorley has missed more tackles than JT, but due to the fact that the Dogs have a more balanced team, other players step up and fill the gap. The Cowboys are so over-reliant on JT that they have no back-up plans when he fails in attack, and don't even back up his known soft defence. Thurston has also made the most errors in his team, and given away the most penalties. But having said all that, I'd still love to see him back at the Bulldogs. They could have Holdsworth - no chance of over-reliance there.

Telling statistic: Thurston is the main kicker at the Cowboys, having kicked 193 times over the season to gain 5211 metres, which my accountant tells me is exactly 27 m per kick. Rovelli has kicked 61 times averaging about 33 metres per kick, while Bowen has kicked 59 times averaging about 35 m per kick. Matthew Scott, however, despite having played as many games as JT, has kicked once for a gain of 50 metres. I know he's a prop, but give him the ball on the 5th more often, goddamit.

Quotes that sum up their year: "It really protects you from getting cuts and nicks and there have been a few times there that I would have been split open had I not been wearing it. For me it helps a lot." Johnathon Thurston's three year, reputed $2m sponsorship deal from Trojan Condoms was a bright spot in an otherwise gloomy year.

2010 Outlook: With Bowen already out until the second-half of 2010, things are looking down. But I have a hunch that a reversal of fortune lies with the coach. Neil Henry should obviously change his name to Henry Neil to get the ball rolling.

Year in Review - Part V of XVI

We’re getting awfully close to the teams that almost made it now. The Bunnies have followed a slightly unorthodox path this year - starting well, fading badly, coming back strongly, bombing out at last, then coming back again even though it is too late. A metaphor for life, perhaps?

South Sydney Rabbitohs or No Wing, No Prayer

Highlight: I was going to say their absolute pummeling of Manly at Brookvale a couple of weeks back, but that was until they played TAFKAPF (the athletes formerly known as premiership favourites) on Saturday night. Some say the story is more about the Dragons than the Bunnies, but I don’t buy that for a second. Beating the top team 41-6 says this team has heart.

Lowlight: For a team that has heart, the Rabbitohs lack a lot of other important internal-organ related qualities, including brains, intestinal fortitude and a ventable spleen. Their captain has to be the first in the history of rugby league to talk neither to his players, nor the ref, nor the media. We love you Roy.

Most Valuable Player: Roy Asotasi, who said he hoped to help turn the Rabbitohs around by joining them. They’ve been turned around more times than a blindfolded kid at a party and have similar odds of success. Yes, they’re back in the league. Yes, they’re nowhere near the bottom. Yes, they’re almost able to remove the 14 day cooling off period clause from all new player signings. But they’re still a long, long way from being a legit contender. If they had a team full of Roy Asotasis, the story would be very different. It would also involve flagrant breaches of human cloning regulations, plus they wouldn’t have been able to field anyone for their last three games. I would so read that story.

Most Worthless Player: League’s sexiest man, Craig Wing. It’s kind of bad when your marquee signing can’t crack the starting 13 even when he’s healthy. Worst homecoming since Carrie.

Telling Statistic: Four wins from eleven home games. For the team with the most goodwill in the NRL (and possible the history of sporting teams), that is one lame home ground advantage. Play the crowd a few clips from Gladiator, that’d fire them up.

Quote that sums up their year: “We are treating it as a grand final.” Colin Best before they got smashed by Penrith last week, giving some insight into how Souths will do if they ever make a grand final.

2010 Outlook: Russell Crowe has made it absolutely clear, Jason Taylor is going nowhere. I don’t know why this keeps getting reported as Russell being in support of JT, I actually think it was a Nostradamus-like forecast. Eighth place at best.

Year in Review - Part IV of XVI

The task has come to me to write about the Green Machine - the Canberra Raiders. However, seeing as I know nothing of the current team and, due to the fact that by giving Carney the boot they haven't left me anything to write on, I'm going to wind the clock back 15 years to the glory days.

1994: Year of the Tool



Highlight: Almost too many highlights to mention... Fairytale finishes to the careers of Big Mal and Paul Osborne. Tim Sheens winning his 3rd grandfinal in 6 years. Noa Nadruku at his best, back before he started beating up women.

Lowlight: Tooley Daley's lack of passion in the changeroom after the game. He was at his explosive best in the post-match celebrations in 1989 but sadly this year he kept it in his pants. On a side note, there are strange things happening with the Tooley statues in Canberra. See this link for more info.

Most Valuable Player: Brett Mullins. This kid is going to do big things in the future... League Blog predicts he will score over 100 tries, and will go out with a fairytale finish of his own. Marty Bella gets an honorouble mention, because without his dropped catch on the opening kickoff of the Grand Final the game might have followed a different, albeit probably more satisfying, path.

Most Worthless Player: Brett Hetherington. Only guy in the team who doesn't have his own page on Wikipedia.

Telling statistic: The signs were there at the end of the regular season - Despite coming in at 3rd on the Premiership ladder, Canberra had the best attack (677 points), and 2nd best defence (conceding 298 points), to have the massive points differential of +379 points for the season, a feat that has only since been bettered by Parramatta in 2001.

Quotes that sum up their year:-
"Simply the Best" - Tina Turner made a successful return to League in 1994...
"Ricky Stuart and Laurie Daley are two of the most respected figures in the game, and I don't see that changing". Mal misreads the Trusty Steeden.

1995 Outlook: I predict 20 years pain in the future for Canberra. Followed by 20 more.

Year in Review - Part III of XVI

Screening at the NRL this weekend was an unusual doubleheader, Watership Down (dead rabbits) and Brokeback Mountain (dead cowboy). But enough of the pup tent, it's time to continue the review of the year that was. It's quite incredible that the bottom three teams this year all did pretty well last year. Don't you think?

New Zealand Warriors or Polys Want A Cracker


Highlight: Preseason ambition.
Lowlight: The death of Sonny Fai.
Most Valuable Player: Ruben Wiki, it would appear.
Most Worthless Player: Stacey Jones, in a canter. Jones started the year in vintage form, leading the team to wins over the Eels and Sea Eagles. But it took about two rounds to finish the bottle and the team's been hungover ever since, getting by on the fermented sweat of the Beast. I think there's a lesson here for everyone. Coming back to the NRL from retirement is not easy. Yes, I'm talking to you Tonie Carroll. Once was Lockyer's Angel, now he's not fit to polish Thaiday's ... umm... boots. Big Dell would appear to invalidate the hereby christened Stacey Jones Rule, but he sneaks in by the Shane Warne Enforced Layoff Corollary. This bodes well for Reni Maitua, if his care factor ever goes above zero.
Telling statistic: The Warriors lead the league with 37.1 tackle busts a game. There hasn't been a less successful conversion of busts into something substantial since Heather Graham. Thanks to my colleague ParraStatsFreak for supplying this one (though not the Heather Graham analogy).
Quotes that sum up their year:
- Ivan Cleary's harsh but fair "It's almost pointless talking about our dreams down the track."
- Steve Price's "I think Stacey should be considered as an Immortal." Yes, Jones' corpse has recently been seen shuffling about playing fields around the eastern seaboard but that's merely further evidence we need a better description for our best players than 'immortal'. Corridor of Fame?
2010 Outlook: Winning their first two games, Ivan Cleary signed to a two year extension, followed by one win from their next eight and eventual irrelevance. Hang on, that was this year? Damn you Trusty Steeden!

Year in Review – Part II of XVI

I have the honour of following up our end of season analysis of the Sharks by being able to focus on my most hated team, the Roosters. And before all you Manly supporters jump up in arms, don't worry, you're a close second.

Sydney Roosters: About to cut loose



Highlight: The names of the Roosters backline... A nightmare for those with a speech impediment, at one time there was: Sam Perrett, Sisa Waqa, Mitch Aubusson, Sia Soliola, Shaun Kenny-Dowell, Braith Anasta and Mitchell Pierce.

Lowlight: Brad Fittler. From his downfall as a winning-coach, to his bizarre experiments with positioning (Anasta at fullback?),to getting loaded and trying to get into a woman's hotel room resulting in police being called, to his self-imposed $10,000 fine, and his ultimate sacking by the club. It is an ignoble way for the best left foot step in the game to leave Rugby League. Luckily, there are limited coaches around, so look for Fittler to go to England, coach a team to a grand-final win, be called a Supercoach, and then return to coach Parramatta in 2013.

Most Valuable Player: Frank-Paul Nuuausala - Most unlikely combination of two names to make a first name; Most unlikely combination of first and last names; Most unlikely preponderance of the letter U in a last name. Also only one of 5 players to play all 21 games.

Most Worthless Player: It's like trying to determine the fattest kid at fat camp.

Telling statistics: Roosters have conceded the most points per game (28) and they've rewarded their loyal latte-drinking fans by scoring less than 2.5 tries per home game (worst in League). Without the Sharks they would have only had 3 wins in the season. In a positive note, their defence has actually improved since Round 1 when they conceded 52 against the Rabbitohs.

Quote that best sums up their year: Brad Fittler* “Well, it's been a tough season, but seeing how well the Bulldogs performed this year the Roosters are looking good for 2011".

2010 Outlook: Despite Smith bringing in the hose to get rid of the useless debris (seeya Ogre O'Meley), the Roosters are in for another couple of years of pain. Look for Junior Pearce to make a surprise comeback in 2010 to show his son some of his moves from 1989.

* Not the real Brad Fittler

Year in Review – Part I of XVI

It pains me to possibly distract attention from the previous two classy posts, but now that September is around the corner, unable to find the keys to its room, and all the best games are behind us, it’s appropriate for League Blog to turn its penetrating gaze to the season that was. We’ll start with the teams already out of contention.


Cronulla Sharks or The Year of Living Clenbuterolously

Highlight: An emotion-soaked victory over Parramatta to end a 9 game losing streak. This prompted an impressive four game winning streak appropriately ended by the Roosters.
Lowlight: The 9 game losing streak that preceded it and the current, soon to be extended, 7 game losing streak. Let us not speak of Off Field Incidents.
Most Valuable Player: Lancen Juodo, who NRL stats informs us was born in January 1901 and played one game for them this year. Assuming it was amidst their winning streak, this guy is a lucky charm.
Most Worthless Player: In perhaps the most fiercely contested battle fought by the Sharks this year, I can’t split Reni Maitua, Ben Ross, Brett “Three Strikes” Seymour or Brett Kearney.
Telling statistic: The Sharks concede 2.5 points more at home than away. Ladies and Gents, I give you home ground advantage!
Quote that best sums up their year: “From the start of the pre-season it's been horrendous”. Ricky Stuart was actually talking about Farmer Wants a Wife, but he might as well have been speaking of his Sharks.
2010 Outlook: Better than this year?