Clairvoyance 101 in Round 21

Sitting here at my desk, surrounded by complex technical papers, state of the art computing equipment, stunning carpark views and a cubic zirconium football, which I have dubbed Trusty Steeden, I foresee that it is time to foresee the results of this weekends games. With the help of Trusty Steeden, I can see into the future... past my leftover lunch... past my afternoon cuppa and an awesome, awesome chocolate croissant... to tonight's kickoff... and beyond.

Dragons v Storm
Dragons, you have a true sage at your side. All the things that have come to pass and all the things that will be, Zen Master Bennett sees right before him. This explains why he gives such bad press conferences - wouldn't you be distracted if you could see the past and future all at once? Storm by 32.

Titans v Cowboys
The Titans will lead at halftime... but after texting Neil Henry via Gus Gould in the sheds, JT will return a new man, and tear the Titans to pieces. I see a Titans player leaving the field with a dislocated windpipe. Titans by 1.

Raiders v Broncos
Trusty Steeden turns greeny brown when I try to see this game.

Knights v Roosters
I can see fireworks... violence... and romance! Sorry, I was looking too far, that's New Year's Eve. Knights to win by 16.

Panthers v Warriors
Expert tipsters can feel it in their pineal gland when a team playing below par is ready to bounce back. My pineal gland is sore. Warriors to win by a final score of 4 points to 0.

Sharks v Eels
The prophets speak of a man who will lead us all... who can dodge bullets... and eat fish heads... that man will lead the Eels to victory in this game. Eels 22 Sharks 14

Rabbitohs v Bulldogs
TrustySteeden doesn't like showing me things I don't want to see.

Tigers v Sea Eagles
Trusty Steeden tells me this is the game of the round in the way its cubic zirconium shines and glimmers. I foresee a final score of 28-26 but I cannot see who wins.

Also, Ben Barba will make a mercy dash to England to provide grief counselling to Phillip Hughes... Bring back Ben Barba...

Code switch rocks league to foundations

NRL superstar Karmichael Hunt's decision to jettison the Broncos and enter the uncharted waters of AFL has rocked the league to its very core. The process started with the outermost layer, a mixture of several coats of paint, body hair, some epidermis, and a bunch of players. Great swathes of this layer were utterly obliterated. The next layer, a bit of flesh and gristle, some clubs and a chunk of concrete, was vaporised. After that layer, it was the NRL administrative apparatus, some sponsors, steel reinforcements and bones. This layer was violently annihilated by his shock code switch. Finally, the very innermost kernel of the league - Joey Johns, four print journalists, some blueprints, one heart and one brain - was very much rocked. It remains intact, but is so shaken up it could be weeks if not days before it returns to a state of normal functioning.

The soul of league - League Blog and the fans - is amused but unmoved by the switch, much as a great lake dissipates across its surface the ripples caused by a large incoming skimstone.

Vale Craig Wing II

Well now... I've copped some flak from the ladies for not including one "Daniel Conn" in my list of sexiest men in League.



But perhaps I should have mentioned that being good was one of the core prerequisites for being included in my small list... So, ladies, lest this site be accused of being all about the pictures, let's take a look at Daniel Conn's rugby league stats... He's played four games this year (rounds 16-19), starting on the interchange bench in three of them. He has averaged 44min, 54metres (averaging less than 7m per run) and 16 tackles per game. He averages less than one offload a game and makes one tackle break per game (sadly evened out by his tackles missed). He has scored no tries. Enough said...

From another angle, I've also copped flak for not including Laurie 'Tooley' Daley on the list of League's sexiest men. Now you will all come to understand that Tooley is one of League Blog's favourites, so I sincerely apologise and include this picture to satisfy you all. Enjoy.

Barrett Unavailable...

This just in from Sydney Morning Herald… “SHARKS five-eighth Trent Barrett will not make himself available for selection for the end-of-season International Quad Series after being ruled out for the rest of the NRL season because of a cheekbone fracture”.

I’ll take it from here SMH…

"Despite having not played a test for Australia since 2005, Barrett’s class and talent have been a telling point in the Sharks positioning themselves for a shot at the wooden spoon in 2009. Other form players, such as Mark O’Meley, Carl Webb and Braith Anasta have also declared themselves unavailable for the end-of-season International Series due to injury. Eric Grothe Jnr has stated he too is unavailable because he thinks he might be able to get a gig with his band, Three Day Grothe, at the Parramatta Leagues Club that weekend.

Brett Kimmorley has declared himself available and ready to play. Daniel Holdsworth has also declared himself available."

Increased kinetic motion of molecules

That's right, it's that time of year when things really start to heat up. We all knew it was coming, but it still somehow snuck up on us. The interest, intensity and irrascibility of regular season games just went up a notch, and there'll be no letdown til the semis. So what can we say about the Contenders, Pretenders and Proclaimers?

The Dragons look to be going from strength to strength. Yet my waters tell me, this isn't going to end well.
The Dogs look very ordinary all of a sudden and that bench is a real worry. If Tadpole has learned anything from That's All, it's that it's ok to manufacture a crisis if it'll help the Dogs perform well.
The Titans aren't going to fade away this year. In the regular season.
The Storm are sneaking along rather sneakily. It would be a remarkable achievement to make 4 GFs in a row.
The Sea Eagles are officially back. I still think they're last year's Storm.
The Panthers are an intriguing proposition. Coach Matt Elliot's really made his mark on the team, so look for them to exit the semis early.
The Knights are troubled.
The Cowboys are troubled.
The Broncos are deeply troubled.
The Tigers are leaving it late, which is just how the punters like it.
The Bunnies are too. I'd love to see the Bunnies and the Tiges make the 8, just for a taste of that ye olde 1908 magic.
The Eels looked very, very good on Saturday night. What the f*ck have they been doing all year? I looked at their teamsheet before the dogs game, went geez, it's a strong team, then remembered that the same team has lost 10 games this year.
One of the Warriors, the Sharks, and the Roosters will go on a two (or possibly one) game winning streak before the year is out. You heard it here first.

Before we go, a quick look at the NRL table.

Vale Craig Wing

Now don't get me wrong here. I've hated Craig Wing for as long as I can remember... since he played for Roosters in the early 00s (and did uni with a mate of mine at UNSW). But to his credit as a man and a rugby league player, this hatred of mine has matured to a grudging respect of his shining abs and supreme fitness, so much so that I changed my Oztips name from Luke Ricketson to Craig Wing in tribute. So it will be with a tinge of sadness that I bid farewell to the Sexiest Man in League...

Which brings me on to the true topic of this thread. How does one judge the sexiest man in league? I posit that all one needs to do is type the name of the player into Google Images, and just by looking at the first five pictures that appear, the sexiest man is he who has the most shirtless pictures. Let's try some examples

Craig Wing



Please note - surprisingly this picture was not in the top 5...



Matt Cooper



David Williams



But the winner is... Luke O'Donnell (for appearing shirtless and pantless). I also applaud him for getting sent off (doesn't happen enough in modern league), and for giving JT an inferiority complex.



OK, enough homoerotic pictures of league players. I had to limit to 4 the seemingly unlimited amount of shirtless pictures of players... Interestingly, looking up some great players of yesteryear - Baa Baa, Sterlo, Brett Mullins, Garry Belcher, Turvey... not a bare chest amongst them... is this what modern league stands for?

I've just had the thought that you could do the same to find the best players of league - those whose 5 pictures are all about League... let's try the last few of NSW captains...

Freddy



Joey



Danny



Kurt



Gidley wins by a fair margin (the next 50 pictures were all of similar action shots). He's not up to Origin standards, but by this method Gidley seems to be the greatest player in the modern game.

Til next week, go the 'Dogs...