Thoughts on Dogs Roosters game

• Defence is not the strong point of either team
• Jim Dymock may need a while to turn around the Dogs
• Ben Barba scored an exciting length of the field try
• Ben Barba does not like high kicks
• Brian Smith is the perfect coach for this situation at the Roosters (bringing a team at its knees back to respectability)
• Once a team is designated 'still a mathematical chance', that team has no chance of making it to the semi-finals
• It's been a long, long time since the Bulldogs missed the semis two years in a row. Chalk that up for this year

Thoughts on Manly Tigers game

• Benji Marshall is supreme
• Farah is pretty good too (I'd swap him for Ennis in a Bankstown heartbeat - far more creative and potent, although far less brainsnap-induceability)
  
• Manly let Hodkinson go for a reason
• Cherry Evans and Foran are good ball runners
• Matt Utai is not George Costanza
• Brett Stewart is an excellent fullback
• The Tigers *cannot* win it all; Manly can; LB prays neither does
• Gosford stadium is picaresque
• This game is to tonight's Dogs Roosters game as Missile Magnussen is to Eric The Eel
• Desce Hasler is no longer a nihilist Hindu ascetic - he's looking more and more like a cult leader
  

Carney, Clarke and Success

Todd Carney has turned to Michael Clarke for advice on dealing with his annus horribilis

I'll take it from here...

Carney is believed to be considering asking Lara Bingle out, but wants to seek the blessing of the man nicknamed Pup before he asks her out on a date.

"She's real purdy," Carney said.

Michael Clarke's manager, Les Biles, could not be reached for comment, although Clarke himself was happy to open up to League Blog.

"Yeah, Carnes and I have been having a few candlelit dinners to see if we can work out where he went wrong this year. We're pretty sure it's the coach's fault, and if not the coach, then the captain, and if not the captain, the selectors. I can rule out the vice captain as the source of anything annus horribilissy."

LB asked whether Clarke had given Carney the all clear to pursue Bingle.

"He wants to what? You have to be ****ing kidding me."

LB was then privvy to Clarke ringing Carney and engaging in a heated conversation. We of course won't divulge the contents of the conversation, other than to say it was mostly about exotic TAB bets.

Season Preview

Well it's that time of the year. Autumn is just a whisker away and the sound of some kind of synthetic on some kind of other synthetic is ringing around training grounds near and far.

After the debacle that was 2011, the rugby league Gods have a lot of work to do. Here's how League Blog sees the year shaking out, going through each team in order of their finish in the regular season in 2010...

Illawarra: Now they have the monkey off their backs, expect them to hop straight into the bath and give it a good scrub. No reason why they can't repeat their form of the last two years, hopefully 2009.

Penrith: No reason why they can't slide back down to the bottom of the ladder.

Wests: After their great showing in 2010, surely only a series of horrific injuries could derail them this year.

Gold Coast: The Titans will continue their slow and steady climb up the ladder and compete for the minor premiership. The tough lessons learned in the semis last year will surely steel them for a crack at the big one this year. Lacking a bit of dreads out wide though.

New Zealand: This inconsistent outfit promised and teased us constantly throughout 2010. Expect them to start strongly and then fizzle.

Sydney: With Brian Smith proving once again to be the best resurrector this side of Jesus Christ, the Roosters are in a great position to do well again. Provided Todd Carney remains far away from wagons the Roosters will contend. There's also a strong rumour doing the rounds that having cornered the market on Sydney, the Roosters will look to rebadge themselves as the Australian Roosters.

Canberra: Finished the year with a wet sail, which doesn't always bode well for the coming season, as Parramatta will attest to. Still, with the veteran leadership of Matt Orford, expect big things from the Raiders this year.

Manly: Continued their steady downward trajectory with an eighth place finish last year. A certainty to drop out of the semis this year, especially with the best half in the club, Trent Hodkinson (the G is silent) heading south-southwest to the Bulldogs.

Souths: Rusty and Co. have finally got it right, and with the addition of Greg Inglis the Bunnies are a lock to make the top eight, and will push the top four.

Brisbane Broncos: I can still hear the cheers echoing around my ears from the Broncos' pathetic performance last year. Old, slow and uninspired - dark horses for the wooden spoon, if you'll pardon the pun.

Newcastle Knights: Barring some kind of godfather offer from an offensively wealthy backer, the Knights will remain irrelevant and on track for demotion to the NSW cup, with the Newtown Jets to replace them.

Parramatta Eels: Steve Kearney has huge wraps on him - think of him as the victim of some kind of Subway prank gone wrong. The moment his signing was announced the bookies slashed the odds for the Eels to make the eight. LB can see no reason to disagree.

Bankstown: Kevin Moore has proven himself to be a woeful coach, and only a string of brilliant signings can save his bacon. Look for Ben Roberts, Jonathon Wright and Michael Lett to form a deadly combination on the left side, the likes Dogs fans have not seen since the days of Anasta, Talau and Utai.

Cronulla: Sharks fans should take some consolation from the laws of probability, which state that a team can only be bad for so long. Shouldn't be too long now.

North Queensland: Each passing year makes the Bulldogs decision not to retain Jonathon Thurston look better and better. Cowboys no hope of making the semis, although if one player can steer them clear of the wooden spoon it's their journeyman talisman Dallas Johnson.

Melbourne Storm: Probably won't get the spoon again.

Let the games begin!

William, Kate and the Dogs

Some blame Kevin Moore, others blame the rookie halves, others still blame Kevin Moore. But League Blog can now reveal the true reason for the Bulldogs' mid-early-season form reversal: the royal wedding.

At half time of the Bulldogs game against the Broncos, the coach's speech was interrupted by calls from the players to switch on the nuptials. It is believed that these were lead by Ben Barba and Jamal Idris, both staunch monarchists. Coach Kevin Moore was initially against it, but he wisely relented in the face of Mick Ennis spray as he reached for the remote control.

At the climactic moment in the ceremony, there wasn't a dry eye in the dressing room - except for Andrew Ryan, who has had his tear ducts removed after hearing about Darren Lockyer's successful operation with the same procedure. Just as the Kleenex were being passed around, the call for the players to return to the field was made. Yet they were clearly in no state to play rugby league.

They went on to lose the match and their next two.

LB reaffirms its dedication to an Australian Republic.

#Dogs #Dragons #NRL

@ZenMasterBennett Any chance of a surprise defection to the Dogs? This year? #KevvieStinks

@KrisKeating06 I hereby dub thee The Butcher. Damn you @DBoyd4WB4eva

@BulldogsFans After Rnd3=Top4. Win v Eels Rnd6=Top8. Loss=#Harakiri

Old Jersey Round

As the NRL looks to celebrate the marketing possibilities of old rugby league jerseys, we here at League Blog would like to pay tribute to the league bloggers of yesteryear, by quoting some of their finest work.

Norm Barker, The Daily Actual Telegraph, 1908
"STOP Dally Messenger is perhaps the finest player in the history of rugby league. STOP Such an accolade would appear perhaps unearned given the game's present age of three months, but this writer humbly dissents from that viewpoint. STOP We share the belief that Mr Messenger could enhance his earnings considerably if he transferred his skills to the more commercially developed arena of football."

Edgar "Lark" Codrington, Northeastern Sydney Tribune, Letters Section, 1922
"The future for all rugby league teams bar the Bears seems barren, destitute and hopeless. After two titles on the trot, it's 23 skidoo and onwards and upwards for our North Sydney fellows."

Arnold Layne, Barrier Miner Editorial, 1942
"The residents of Broken Hill were all a-flutter at the first City Country game played here this weekend. True fans of the game understand its roots lie in the country, where such champions as 'Ox' Johnson, 'Box' Flinders and 'Ox Box' Hartigan earned the reputation for giving no thruppence nor asking for even a third of that. This correspondent will be keeping a keen eye on the talent from the 'big smoke' as they return to the third and fourth grades of the major competition there."

Pam Smith, Australian Women's Weekly Profile and Centrefold, 1974
"Away from the game young Eastern Suburbs halfback Trevor Johnson enjoys plumbing, having a 'quiet dozen' with mates at the pub and 'fraternising'. And why shouldn't he? Toiling away under the hot sun, forced to take his own sweat-sodden gear home to mum Joyce for washing, and with only a carpenter's apprentice salary, Johnson has surely earned the right to have some fun."

Realpolitik

League Blog lovers out there may not know it but League Blog has a keen interest in politics. We think this love started when, as a young League Fan, we were amazed by Big Mal Meninga's feats on the field and enthralled at his dalliance with running for Parliament. His 26 second career in politics, finishing with the pronouncement "I'm buggered", has been revered in political circles and was surprisingly the inspiration for a similar statement by David Campbell when he was caught coming out of a bathhouse last year.

So League Blog is delighted to inform our readers that the worlds of Rugby League and politics have once again collided, with the election of former ARL referee Graham Annesley as Member for Miranda and NSW Minister for Sports and Recreation. Graham's love of rugby league started at a young age, but a rebellious streak drove Graham to forego the usual channels to League fame and fortune and register himself as a referee at the age of 13. And 244 first grade matches later, Graham finally made his mark, introducing the video replay system to the ARL in 1996. Welcome Graham, we look forward to you introducing similar mechanisms to control the shenanigans in the NSW Parliament.

On another political note, we were delighted that John Robertson MP, twin brother of former Knight Mad Dog MacDougall, was appointed as State opposition leader, and we look forward to hearing about his plans to enhance the thigh size of all NSW citizens soon.


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Hindy thrives in solo role

LB is happy to preview what could be the greatest round in the history of rugby league - round four.

Friday
Panthers @ Broncos
Very little between these two poor teams. The key for this match will be whether Broncos players can hear Darren Lockyer any more. He has reportedly put his voice under wraps in preparation for a spoken word tour of his autobiography, 'Locky: Worst Nickname Ever', at the end of the year.

Sea Eagles @ Rabbitohs (Central Coast)
There is something about the charming surrounds of the Central Coast stadium that makes it completely inappropriate for rugby league. The sooner it is turned over to the performing arts or cricket, the better.

Saturday
Titans @ Raiders
It's Methuselah vs Zygote, Ethiopia vs South Sudan, Shakespeare vs Matthew Reilly, old vs new. A false dichotomy really, as the two are merely different sides of the same coin. Speaking of coin, there are some great exotic TAB options for this game, including an over/under of 3.5 for insensitive remarks in the media about Matt Orford, 6.5 for references to Dad's Army when discussing the Titans, and an appealing 12000.5 for the size of the crowd. LB will be limboing right under that one.

Cowboys @ Eels
Perhaps the match of the round, although on further reflection probably not. Stephen Kearney will look to continue his task of moulding the Eels team into the salary-cap cheating Storm team he occasionally contributed to the guiding of, while Neil Henry will look to continue wondering why he ever left Canberra. Kearney at least appears to have the ear, if not the rest of the body, of his players. He could be seen patiently addressing them during half time of their round two 'clash' with Penrith, with hilariously ineffective consequences, while in the opposing dressing room assistant coach Steve Georgallis had to take over while CEO Mick Leary was re-inking Matt Elliot to a two year extension.

Sunday
Dragons @ Knights
The Dragons are understandably desperate to retain Wayne Bennett, on the understanding that if he goes he will take last year's NRL trophy with him. But by the time of the second play the ball in this match Bennett's $2m transfer to the Knights may be all but a formality. Unfortunately for the Knights Bennett will then come clean and admit that he will be selling his services to the highest bidder on a weekly basis for the remainder of the season.

Warriors @ Sharks (Taupo, NZ)
In the history of all home rugby league matches relocated to a venue in closer proximity to the away team, the away team has won 13 of 27 games. LB expects this trend to continue. Incidentally, Taupo is rather smelly.

Tigers @ Roosters
The team that thinks they should have won last year against the team that knows they were lucky to finish second but somehow thinks that they'll win this year. In the Tiger's favour is excitement machine Benji Marshall, who LB caught up with this week.

League Blog: Benji, many regard you as an excitement machine. Can you tell us exactly what an excitement machine is supposed to be anyway?
Benji Marshall: Haha, good question. My suspicion is that there is no such thing, and it stems simply from the ubiquity of mechanical and electronic technology in our shared cultural memory. In a different era I'd be an excitement lathe or an excitement mill.
LB: Thank you, Benji Marshall.

Monday
Bulldogs @ Storm
After facing potential State of Origin rivals in his first three rounds, Jamal Idris will be taking his foot off the accelerator against Beau Champion, who hasn't got a hope in hell of making State of Origin. Idris appears at least 1.2m/s faster than last year, which may be the reason he's not as slow. The winner will be the only undefeated side left in the comp, which should add extra spice - cinnamon, the only bark-bound spice, to be precise.

The Good News

It’s hard to pick from the many good news stories that litter the 2011 NRL season, but League Blog will try.

It was heartening to see the renewed focus on scrum formation in round one, with referees lovingly adjusting players’ arms and giving precise instructions. Fantasy League operators are already scrambling to add a scrum formation metric to their player ratings.

The Bulldogs and Eels gave their fans reason to hope by winning against more fancied, though equally unattractive, opposition. This hope is far preferable to the pre-season hope that all clubs bar the Sharks have.

The two teams used different formulae for the victories. The Dogs employed a judicious mixture of recruitment and blind luck, which should put them in good stead for 2013 after the inevitable crash back to earth in 2012. The Eels hired new supercoach Stephen “Firm, not hard” Kearney, who obviously was the real reason for all the Storm’s since revoked amazing success.

A number of exotic betting options are
available in the comments section at League Blog

Exotic TAB options. While LB believes firmly that exotic and TAB should never be in the same sentence, it is a sign of the good health our game is in that new betting options are available. These include whether a field goal will be scored, and whether it will be kicked by a prop as the first scoring option. Here’s a TAB spokesman with more:

“If a punter follows a team that is a short-priced favourite in a match, he might simply prefer to take up to $4 about there being a field goal rather than $1.20 about his team winning, just so he still has an interest in the match.”

The NRL is said to be in highly advanced discussions with TAB about boosting the number of exotic options for Sharks and Panthers matches. Meanwhile David Gallop had this to add:

“While exotic bets raise concerns, we have to accept that there are elements of betting on the game that many people enjoy - particularly players and player agents. We don't want to drive punters to the offshore agencies, where it's completely unregulated. Allow me to make an analogy with drug or arms dealing – if we don’t do it, someone else will."

Such frankness is comforting, and appears to be spreading to player evaluations as well. Days after saying Greg Inglis’ natural position was fullback, Craig Bellamy has come out again and said that Chase Stanley’s natural position is sitting in the player’s box in a suit. Fantasy League operators have begun groundwork on a new competition which only allows players to play in their natural positions. LB feels it is high time this discussion was brought out into the open and hereby nominates Craig Bellamy's natural position as National Natural Position Coordinator.

A lot of promise

After it was revealed that senior Wests Tigers vowed to retire from the NRL if their side did not make the top eight last year, LB has discovered a number of other instances of this type of motivational ploy.

• One could be forgiven for doubting the value of the vows of Trent Barrett, Nathan Cayless and Brett Kimmorley to retire should their sides not make the eight, but at least each has kept their word.

• It was initially thought that Ricky Stuart had made a similar pledge, but it has been revealed that his vow to retire did not come with any conditions attached to it and must therefore be ruled ineligible.

• Then referees boss Robert Finch vowed to retire if a number of key rule changes weren’t made, including doubling the number of linesmen to four, doubling the number of touchlines to two, halving the number of goalposts to one, doubling the number of referee’s bosses to two and doubling the number of revolutions of the Harvey Norman insignia prior to announcement of a video ref decision. Finch has of course since retired and can now be found in a number of online league tipping competitions.

Several NRL sides have tried to implement similar player vow systems for the 2011 season, with varying success.

So far Reni Maitua and Chris Walker are the only two players from the Eels to promise to retire if their team doesn’t make the eight, although a number of Sharks players have signed on for lesser vows, such as to show up to training more or less on time and to enter the field legally during a player interchange.

Other notable vows:

• Steve Matai has vowed to get himself suspended into retirement should Manly not make the eigh.

• Jonathan Thurston has come under fire for not including any club goals in his vow, promising only to retire if not selected to play for Queensland while fit.
  

• Panthers CEO Mick Leary has vowed to retire if he extends Matt Elliot’s contract before round seven.